She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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