We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
