I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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