You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
