I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
