I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize