Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
