So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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