6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
two words...techno handjob
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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