I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
