I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
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