so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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