Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
