my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
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I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
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I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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