A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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