The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
