i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
He has the fingertips of a God
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