she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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