Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
