We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
