Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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