i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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