every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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