this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize