i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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