Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
