We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
