im drinking this country out of the recession.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
