oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
