Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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