he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
