I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
