im drinking this country out of the recession.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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