so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize