Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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