haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
we're chasing vodka with high fives
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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