Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
