he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
