God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
