She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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