just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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