I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
it's great music for shaving your balls
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
