toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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