I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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