I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
