It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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