Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
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