No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
