I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
