I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
