It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
