Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Randomize
