he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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