How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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