I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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