I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
