so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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