Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
