K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
