In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
