Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
