Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
