You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You can't just leave with hair like that
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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