weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
