I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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