Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
how drunk are you?
Several
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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