I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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