He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize