I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
