I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
