we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
